I had another good weekend. I spent it back home with some old friends. Today I spent the day on my own trying to get used to being alone. After such an enjoyable weekend in such good company it always takes time to adjust to my own company. I am not as sad as I have been in the past in similar circumstances but it is still a bit tricky coping with the loneliness.
To know that I could have spent a further two days enjoying more of the same is more upsetting than being on my own. That’s the reason for my melancholy – I could still be having a laugh with friends. However, if I’ve had all that already then surely I can be happy? There’s no need to repeat it. Once is enough. Furthermore, if I did repeat it, it wouldn’t be as good as Friday and Saturday.
One incident from the weekend was being caught between my mum and dad who were both trying to give me advice on how to carry what I was carrying when I was having no problem with it at all. They both tried to look after me, but I recognised it and diffused the situation immediately. It is indicative of the changes that have recently occurred in my life. I am able to see how, in the past, I have allowed myself to be mothered (TA – script). But not any more.