Aubrey was around last night, which was a pleasant surprise. It was nice to see him, we chatted for a while and around midnight I went to bed. I thought to myself that if I can get up at 6am after this late night then I really have made good progress this week. I made it out of bed without too much trouble although I was tempted on a couple of occasions within the first 15 minutes of exercise to go back to bed. As I moved to look at the full moon before I began my routine, I noticed that my back felt freer than it usually does in the morning. I exercised slowly and consciously. I am in no rush to reach any particular goal. My achievement is that I get up every morning and the natural consequence of that achievement will be strength, health and fitness. Gently does it.
This has been such an excellent week. After the hectic nature of January, I have settled down and, with a little push at the beginning of the week, I have found the pathway back to my routine. In addition, I can see the end of the accounts work, which provides enormous relief in itself and frees my time and my mind to concentrate on other work. But perhaps the biggest shift is in my attitude towards working in the house. After last year’s efforts and the solid start to this year I feel comfortable with the idea of staying in the house for a while to come. Up until the last week I had balked at Karaj’s plans for our future – I have always considered that I would be returning to Germany within the next 12 months, and sooner rather than later.
However, Karaj has talked – both privately and within the group – of working together. His words have been so positive and determined that they have given me the extra inspiration I needed to be able to see myself staying in this environment for the foreseeable future. In short, I cannot envisage myself being happy doing anything else. I remember reading out a list of goals and wishes in my very first men’s group. They were pretty idealistic and were received as such by the other men at the time. I have not referred to them since but I cannot help thinking that they are being realised here, in this house. This shift in my attitude is having a soothing effect on my life. It’s as if, at last, my life has some real purpose and I am able to spend my time doing something I truly believe in. I have all that I need.
I finished the day with a relaxing evening by myself. I phoned Leon to see whether or not he had resisted ringing his girlfriend. He hadn’t. He’d rung her on Wednesday but, fortunately for him, it was not an issue. I watched some TV and went to bed, but not before digging out the goals I had written down on 13th January 2000 for my very first men’s group:
- To work with like-minded people in a friendly environment doing worthwhile work.
- I enjoy talking to people about interesting things.
- I enjoy speaking German – I love being bilingual.
- I enjoy helping people to understand.
- Life at its best is simple. I enjoy conveying this simplicity and seeing the understanding spread across the faces of others as they realise the simplicity involved.
- To support and be supported in our efforts to make the world a better place – allowing the individual and the planet to fulfil its potential.
- To do a job which gives a sense of satisfaction.
- Helping people to think for themselves.
I was momentarily overcome with excitement as I realised that after writing down and verbalising my dreams over a year ago, they are gradually coming true. [Karaj: They are true.] Amazing, but then again, not really because that’s how it all works.