The highlight of last night’s group (WSG) was a diagram showing what happens when we don’t have a strong Parent ego state (TA). In the absence of a parental response, the Child’s feelings rule and as Karaj said, ‘Feelings are always right‘. An internal dialogue is immediately set up where the Child communicates its feelings, only to be scolded by the Parent (for whatever reason). Consequently, any ensuing Child reactions (emotions) are communicated both to the Parent and to the environment.
What is needed is a strong Parent to accept the feelings of the Child and to focus on the facts and evidence before it. It is only through the analysis of facts that evidence-based conclusions can be drawn rather than emotional responses/reactions.
The previous two days were difficult for me due to the pain in my left hip and groin. Today is no different. I feel very tired, in pain and short-tempered. During a brief rest this morning I thought to myself: ‘I’m fucked and I’ve had enough.‘
Shona dictated her notes for her occupational health interview. It was a thorough appraisal of her illnesses to save her trawling through them on the day, as well as a written record for occupational health. I was on edge with Shona. As a result, I was firm with her and kept a tight reign on her throughout by being clear and sharp. This was fuelled by my anger and annoyance (fuelled themselves by tiredness and pain) but expressed appropriately because I was aware of where I was.
Summary: Very tired and listless. Jaded. Still functioned in the morning and the evening. In between I relaxed and reflected on where I am and how far I’ve come. Overall, a good day. Karaj complimented me today too: ‘I know we are both tired, but you are doing very well.’