This entry shows how things have changed for me with regard to how I react to situations. I have already said that one of my main issues when I started my training in 2000 was a reliance on others to look after me. This is an element of my life script (‘script’ in the TA sense). In a nutshell: I made a strategic (survival) decision very early in my life – at the latest when I was one year old – to have others look after me; especially women whose nurturing instinct I triggered all too often.
In order to do this, all I needed was a series of believable reasons to hook people into taking care of me, which as a baby is very straightforward: be cute, helpless, ill, injured, needy etc. Looking back on my life I seemed to have chosen mainly the ‘injured’ option, hence the worry I talked about yesterday.
It is very important at this stage to note that our life script is a pre-conscious life plan, which means I did not consciously injure myself. Once laid down, our script repeats itself as we act it out over and over again, attracting and drawing in the people who will play the roles we have created. All of this leads, ultimately to script fulfilment. It’s our script which leads us to ask: ‘Why has this happened to me again?‘ I will say more on this another time (here, for instance). For the moment, it’s back to Thailand.
All that happened was that, whilst swimming, I stepped on a sea urchin and its spikes stuck into my foot. At the time I did not know how serious the situation was, so I needed to find out. I swam to the shore where my friend was chatting to a very friendly, nurturing lady we had met. I had two options. Talk to my friend and the woman, or talk to the resort staff who were stood a further 10 feet away.
This is the option I used to take. Telling my friend would have meant telling the woman and she would easily and gladly have taken care of the situation. Not such a bad thing, you might think and you’d have a good case.
However, for me, with my script (part of which is subconsciously causing myself pain so I don’t need to take responsibility for my life), it would have meant prolonging a pattern which had seen me undergo major surgery on my knee, hip and back over a 20-year period. When I was told such operations could be avoided by changing my script, I had every motivation to do so.
This is the one I took. I spoke to the staff who reassured me it was not serious but they would take me to the local medical centre as a precaution. Then came the defining moment. I still had to inform my friend what was happening and as I turned to walk towards him, the woman was already getting up to walk away. Had she not done so, a situation like option 1 would still have occurred, creating (unnecessary) concern for my welfare.
Again, you’re thinking ´What’s wrong with concern for others?´ Nothing. But this is my script. Everyone’s script is different and the same situation would be different for every one of us. One operation is enough, but after eight of them, with increasing severity, you begin to wonder.
The fact the woman was already walking away as I turned to approach my friend is confirmation of what I always tell my clients: if you can be clear about what you want, then it’s already on its way. You are the creator of what happens to you. Or as Günter Netzer once said: ‘Glück is machbar‘.
When I informed him of the situation, my friend, who is well aware of this element of my script, simply helped me get my stuff together, then went back to the beach, lay down and ordered a beer. And that’s just what I needed from him.
This day, 11 years ago: Allowing Your Self
Related post: Mindfulness | It’s My Script