This entry looks at the nature of script and provides background information for the sequence of 11 historical posts between 23rd July 2000 (‘Brothers & Mothers‘) and 11th August 2000 (‘Clearing Out My Life‘). The title of this post is not an excuse or a justification of behaviour. I am not blaming anything on my script. Instead, I am talking about my script, rather than someone else’s, and how it is my responsibility to sort it out.
Script is a TA (Transactional Analysis) term and describes the book or, more accurately, the screenplay of our life, which each of us writes and which each of us enacts and re-enacts as we go through life. And perhaps the most fascinating aspect of the whole of TA is that each one of us starts writing our script before we can even speak, and we put the finishing touches to it before we reach our seventh birthday.
We go on refining it for a few years afterwards but, essentially, it is already written before we even realise we have a script. Some people never realise. Before I began my training, I didn’t realise. As I wrote in a very early post in my journal, ‘Not as Good as I Think I Am‘, I thought I was doing well. I was, but there were dynamics in my life of which I was completely unaware. And only when I was shown them by Karaj, did I come to see them as my script and realise the pain I was causing myself. This post goes some way to explaining that.
Our script contains the strategies we have devised in order to get what we want. The entry, ‘Survival & Growth‘ sheds more light on this. Once our script has been written, we simply act it out, attracting people into our lives who play the parts we need them to play to allow us to fulfill the scripts we have written for ourselves. It’s just as we saw with the ‘The Karpman Drama Triangle‘, where Victims and Rescuers attract each other. That’s why all my relationships were the same (as mentioned in ‘Alone or Lonely‘). The girlfriends were different but the results were the same. It was my script and I was (unconsciously) attracting the people I needed to fulfil it.
Script is the reason people ask themselves “Why has this happened to me again?!”. It’s important to point out that things are not set in stone and we can change our script. It was only when I addressed elements of my script that things changed. See the entries, ‘What a Difference a Decade Makes‘ and ‘Changing Patterns‘ for more information.
The background to the historical posts is as follows:
In July 1998 and July 1999 I had severe back problems. On both occasions I suffered a slipped disc and was unable to move for five weeks, with further recovery being slow and painful. Throughout July 2000 I had the thought at the back of my mind that it would happen again. My main script issue is of being mothered, looked after, taken care of. More pertinently, of allowing myself to be looked after. These earlier journal entries all touch upon this:
- Time to Grow Up
- Knowing What is Good for Me
- Don’t Get Down, Get Busy
- Survival & Growth
- Weekend Review
- Adjusting to My Own Company
Mainly because of these two issues (my back and being looked after) – and especially when you consider them as linked – my discussions with Karaj often centred around becoming aware of what happens when I interact with women and how I (unconsciously) hook them into taking care of me. We decided the wisest approach for me would be just to stay out of their way.
That way, I would be doing a lot to prevent my script from even having the chance to fulfill itself. At the same time I could work on myself and become more independent. Finally, it meant I could take responsibility for my life instead of deferring to others who, because of their own scripts, would be more than happy to take care of me.
It is, therefore, my intention that the entries from 23rd July – 11th August 2000 be read with all of this in mind. They are meant to convey the power of script and of how, with awareness and the support of others, we can create an altogether more healthy, more responsible and more enriching existence.