We think we know, but we don’t. We think we have a good idea of how life should be – our own life, other people’s lives, life in general – but we don’t. Given the magnitude of it all and the small scales we operate on, how can we possibly think we can see the biggest picture? From our narrow perspective it’s unfathomable, and with our arrogance of assuming we know, we restrict ourselves and make life unnecessarily complicated.
It’s like having a tight grip on something which threatens to tip out of balance. Every wobble requires corrective action; it costs energy to re-establish control; and we hold on even tighter for a while afterwards just to make sure. But there is no need for any of it because life already has more power and balance than we could ever imagine – any ecosystem will show you that. Life is beautifully poised at the edge of chaos, with just enough order and disruption to allow everything to flourish. Who are we to think we can do better?
It’s much easier if we loosen our grip. Let go and trust that all is well, because there are far greater forces at work than we realise. Moreover, we belong to those forces. There is no need to use our strength to hold things steady. If we relax, we will discover a deeper source of influence which, fascinatingly, requires no effort at all.
There was a time I thought I knew. (See ‘Desperate To Belong’.) I strained to stay on a path I was convinced was mine, even though life was telling me otherwise. It was all because of one simple belief: I thought having a family did not belong to my story. Eventually, I made my way back to that particular crossroads and chose again. As I wrote in the Epilogue of my book:
‘Do I want to be the person who reasons, rationalises, and questions life for the rest of my days, or do I want to immerse myself in all that life has to offer?’
It took me a while because I had been hanging on so tightly for so long; but the more I let go, the easier everything became. This week my son was born. He wasn’t even 12 hours old and it felt like it had always been this way. Welcome to the world. All is well.