The blog consists of two sets of posts:
Journal Entries (2000-2003)
These are entries from the journals I wrote during my own personal development training. They were written between 7th March 2000 and 24th October 2003, but were not posted to my blog until 11 years later. I began that process on 7th March 2011 and posted edited versions of the journal entries in real time, finishing on 24th October 2014. (This explains why many of the current posts from those later years refer directly to specific journal posts.) The journal entries are an intimate account of the journey I took and the work I did under the guidance of my teacher, Karaj. It was an intense learning experience during which my main focus was on working on myself and discovering the truth about human behaviour.
Current Posts (2011-present)
These are stand-alone posts on a variety of subjects connected with personal development. Whilst the journal entries from the early years provide the detailed story of my transformation, the current posts offer an overview of the work, and often relate to specific topics. I also use them to explain, expand upon, or provide updated and additional information on the journal entries. That particular project culminated at the end of 2014 in the book, Evolution By Natural Selection, which is an edited collection of both sets of posts.
After a break in 2015, while I edited the book, my writing since the beginning of 2016 has explored the nature of development work on the deeper levels of existence. (See, for example: ‘And So It Continues…’). Also included are summaries of the series of the Tuesday Seminars I ran in 2016.
At the end of 2017 I took another break from the writing (following the piece, ‘The Conclusion Is Emptiness‘), returning in 2018 to write more pragmatic pieces about, for example, the need for constant reminders in order to overturn old patterns develop new ones. Interestingly, that year also saw an intensification of the search for the True Self.
In 2019, following a series of experiences and events (chronicled in the piece, ‘We Are Wonderful. All Of Us.‘) I turned away from that search and moved towards a deeper healing of the kind of trauma we all suffer from to varying degrees. This healing focused particularly at the level of the body and continued into 2020, a year which culminated in a surprising and satisfying completion of the work I originally did with Karaj 20 years earlier (as detailed in the year’s final piece, ‘Love, Trust, Truth & Wonder‘).
Background to the Journal Entries
In February 2000 I began an increasingly intense journey of self-development. I worked together with Karaj, a brilliant yet highly demanding TA (Transactional Analysis) psychotherapist, and a group of people who were dedicated to supporting each other in improving themselves. In March 2000 I began writing everything down. I immersed myself in the training and it changed my life. Not in a dramatic way; there was no epiphany or enlightenment, just hard work and gradual improvement.
At the time, I was immature, emotional, and unable to stand firmly on my own two feet; seemingly dependent on getting other people (usually women) to look after me. The account of the work I did during those four years sometimes seems dramatic and extreme; it can also be draining reading the entries, as I am clearly too hard on myself and often go round in circles. However, it is a valuable record of everything I went through and all that I learnt along the way. (The journal entry, ‘An Opportunity in 10,000 Lifetimes‘, is a good example of the kind of environment I was in.)
I am still emotional; Karaj once told me that when I have sorted myself out, I will be glad I came at it from the emotional side. These days I understand what he meant. Emotions are a potent force. When they get the better of us, we feel at their mercy; but when harnessed, they become a powerful tool to help us through life.
There are blog posts in the Introduction category in the archives, which provide further background to my story. My goal with this blog is to share my journey with you, so that you may benefit from it on your own journey.
For more information, see the introductory post: ‘4,017 Days‘
Confidentiality: Unless referencing people specifically for their work (e.g. books, articles, websites), the names of people referred to in these pages have been changed.